If you or a loved one is currently experiencing grief, we offer you our genuine condolences. Grief is one of the most painful and difficult experiences of being human. It is challenging and complex. Sometimes it can feel truly overwhelming.
But it’s important to remember that grief is a completely natural response to a significant loss. It’s also very personal. The way we experience grief can be very different to how it presents in others. Our ways of coping with grief and loss can also be vastly different.
The most recently recorded standardised death rate in Australia is 5.5 deaths per 1000 people. While most of these will experience grief in the way that they might expect, around 10% will experience what is known as complicated grief. This is also known as prolonged grief disorder and persistent complex bereavement-related disorder. Another issue that could arise is grief-related major depression. In fact, no grief presents exactly the same way.
This article aims to share a psychiatrist’s perspective on grief, including what it could look like and how it might change over time. We’ll also offer strategies for coping with grief and loss. Our goal is to support you to navigate the pain from loss in the best way possible.
About grief and loss
When we think of grief, we often associate it with the loss of a person. But grief can apply to any significant loss, such as the breakdown of a marriage or the loss of a job or a beloved pet.
Symptoms of grief
The experience of grief looks different for everyone. We can never fully know how someone else is grieving from their outward experience. It is important to respect how others grieve.
Signs of grief can include (though there are many, many others!):
- Any number of emotions, including sadness, anger, panic, resentment, anxiety, relief, guilt, confusion, irritability and regret. Or you may feel emotionally numb.
- Grief can be categorised into five stages: denial, anger, bargaining, depression and acceptance. These can be experienced in any order and sometimes simultaneously.
- Physical symptoms such as a racing heart or nausea.
- Withdrawing socially.
- Lacking interest in your usual habits and hobbies.
- Feeling emotionally drained.
- Lacking the energy to carry out your everyday tasks. Or going into overactive mode to keep the mind distracted.
- Changes to appetite.
- Trouble falling asleep or staying asleep.
- A change in perspective on religion or spirituality.
- Life might feel like it has little meaning without the deceased person here.
Complicated grief is when the intensity of one’s grief doesn’t decrease over time. While there’s no consensus for the average time period for grief, around 12 months is a common benchmark for when grief might become less debilitating.
Grief isn’t linear
Grief is never linear. While you may feel capable of acceptance one day, you might feel helpless and angry about the loss the next. Grief doesn’t absolve on a timeline, so release any expectations.
Factors such as your relationship with the deceased, the type of loss, your cultural identity and spirituality, support and resources, among others, can play a role in the intensity and duration of your grief.
The experience of grief also changes over time. It’s likely the intensity of your feelings will subdue over the coming years. You may always feel sadness about the loss, and that is OK. The hope is that you can grow from the experience and hold on to your love for that person, while accepting that they are gone. It’s less about getting back to normal and more about adjusting to your new normal.
Coping with grief and loss
The ways people grieve differ, and so do the ways they cope with loss. Below are some strategies that may help when coping with grief and loss.
Allow yourself time to grieve
Grief is natural and inevitable. Let the feelings come and try to avoid judging yourself for any of them. All emotions are valid.
Connect with trusted friends and family
Talking about your experiences and feelings in a safe environment can be a great technique. This helps you to reflect and accept. A 2020 study found that 84% and 80% of the grieving Australians surveyed said that family and friends, respectively, were ‘very/quite helpful’.
Seeking others who have also experienced grief can be a good way to share openly and feel understood. A grief support group could also be helpful.
Seek expert support
Talking to a qualified psychiatrist, psychologist or counsellor who specialises in grief can help you to see things from a new perspective. They will be able to share constructive strategies that can help you in particular process your loss.
Grief psychotherapy techniques such as acceptance and commitment therapy, and cognitive behavioural therapy may be offered. Or something else that helps you in your unique grief situation. For those experiencing complicated grief, prolonged grief disorder therapy or even some types of medication could also help.
Look after your health
When we’re consumed by sadness, your physical health can also suffer. Try to consume wholesome foods, get regular exercise and head outside for fresh air. You won’t feel like focusing on yourself. But it will help.
Remember them
Find a way to honour the deceased person that makes sense to you. This could be setting up a digital photo frame that flicks through videos and images of the person. Perhaps sharing special memories in a journal. You could also establish a ritual with others to remember them.
Connect with an emotional support therapy dog
Therapy dogs are wonderful for reducing stress and anxiety, boosting mindfulness and mood, and decreasing loneliness. The simple presence of a trained therapy dog might benefit your mental health.
Prepare for triggers
There will be certain days and events that will trigger your grief, even years down the track. Plan ahead and remember that this is normal.
Need help coping with grief and loss?
If you need support and assistance coping with grief and loss, the Young Minds Network offers a range of services, from psychological assessments to online therapy. Connect with a Young Minds clinician today to learn more about how we can support you.