Supporting a friend, family member or loved one who’s struggling with depression can be incredibly difficult. It can often leave you feeling worried that you’re doing or saying ‘the wrong thing’. And that can make you feel helpless, even though you would do anything to help.
If you’re feeling this way, we want you to know that you’re not alone. Mental health challenges are incredibly common, and knowing how to help can be tricky.
The National Study of Mental Health and Wellbeing found that 42.9% of Australians aged 16-85 years had experienced a mental disorder at some point in their life while 16% (3.2 million people) had experienced an affective disorder such as a depressive episode.
And experts agree that trying to support someone with depression often ‘feels frustrating or… helpless, not knowing how to support them.’ Others acknowledge that faced with subtle, hard-to-read symptoms of depression, many people are ‘left wondering what’s going on and how to “fix” it.’
But there are some steps you can take to support a loved one with depression. Let’s start with how to recognise the signs of depression, and then dive into some suggestions of how to help.
In this article:
- What are the signs of depression?
- How can I support someone with depression?
- Where can I find help?
What are the signs of depression?
The signs of depression can vary greatly between individuals. While it may be obvious that one person is struggling with their mental health, another may be well equipped at hiding how they’re really feeling.
That being said, there are some signs to look out for. These can include:
- Regularly feeling sad, hopeless or miserable
- Regularly feeling angry or irritated
- Having a lack of any strong feelings – feeling numb and detached
- Regularly feeling anxious or restless
- Fixating on guilt
- Exhibiting a loss of interest in previously enjoyable activities or hobbies
- Exhibiting social withdrawal
- Having trouble with sleep – struggling to fall asleep or stay asleep
- A loss of appetite
- Difficulty concentrating and remembering, where previously they could
- A lack of energy and overwhelming exhaustion
- Lack of a response to praise
- Fixating on death or dying
Keep in mind that experiencing any of the signs above doesn’t mean a person is dealing with depression. Every individual’s experience is vastly different. But if you do have a loved one exhibiting these symptoms, it’s absolutely worth following up on. Help is available.
How can I support a loved one with depression?
It’s hard to know how to support someone you care about who’s struggling with depression. What feels reassuring to one person may offend another. Start by looking at the suggestions below. Then reflect on the personality and interests of the person you’re trying to help to find the best way forward.
Just listen
Being there to listen is more important that we know. Let the person know that you’re there for them and you support them. Simply offering a judgement-free, empathetic ear can be really helpful. If they’ve been feeling isolated and lonely, having a friend check in can make them feel less alone.
Avoid giving too much advice – leave this to the experts. Your role can be to listen so they feel understood. And once you’ve done that, you could also ask them directly how they’d like you to support them.
If you worry they may be feeling like a burden, express how important they are to you and that you enjoy spending time with them. Reassure them they’re worthy and deserving of support. It can also be helpful to vocalise that there’s no shame in struggling with mental health. Try to remind them that the way they’re feeling now isn’t forever – things can get better.
If they don’t feel like opening up, ask if there’s anyone else they’d prefer to chat to right now. Arrange a meet-up if necessary.
Direct them to support services
If the person hasn’t sought professional help yet, you could gently encourage them to reach out. They may not have recognised the signs themself, or they may feel embarrassed or ashamed. Ensure you offer this suggestion in a kind, respectful way.
The following resources may help:
- Lifeline on 13 11 14
- Beyond Blue on 1300 224 636
- Suicide Call Back Service on 1300 659 467
- Kids Helpline on 1800 551 800
- ReachOut
- 13YARN on 13 92 76
- MensLine Australia on 1300 789 978
If the person is ready to seek professional support, the YoungMinds team offers a range of services to support mental health. We also provide telehealth via video conference.
In an emergency, always call 000.
Encourage them to stick to the plan
If your loved one has been prescribed medication or received advice from a psychologist, you can be their cheerleader. Offer positive encouragement to keep them on track.
Checking in regularly will help to hold them accountable. Be aware that they may not appreciate your help at the time, so tread carefully and respectfully.
Offer practical support
When someone is struggling with depression, small everyday tasks can feel insurmountable. Help them where you can, without being intrusive. Small things like bringing home cooked meals or doing the dishes when you visit, or even mowing their lawn, could help. You could also offer to drive them to their appointments.
They may even need encouragement to take care of themselves – showering, eating, getting out and about for some fresh air. Help them by reminding them (gently) and helping them to take steps to take better care of themselves.
Small things can feel overwhelming and even immobilising when you’re depressed. Your help can be invaluable.
Bring the light
Make plans with your loved one to do some enjoyable activities together. This could be something like going on a bushwalk, taking a swim in the ocean or watching a movie. Consider the activities they enjoy and what they’re capable of right now. Don’t force any deep discussions if the person doesn’t feel up to it – rather, be their source of joy and distraction.
Recognise the warning signs of suicide
Studies show that 15% of depressed patients eventually die by suicide. Take any comments about not wanting to wake up, wishing to die or saying that you’ll be better off without me as very serious, and seek immediate attention.
Where can I find help?
It can be emotionally exhausting worrying about a loved one and wondering how to support them when they are depressed. Make sure you also take time-outs for yourself, so you can recharge and fill your cup. You won’t have the energy to support another person if you burn yourself out. Check out these 20 healthy habits for mental wellness.
It could also help to chat to a psychologist. We can suggest ways to protect your own mental health while caring for someone, as well as give guidance on how to support your loved one.
Reach out to our YoungMinds team and browse our free online resources. We’re here to help!
To book an appointment with one of our Clinicians please Click Here to enquire via our website – or call us on: (07) 3857 0074.